Christmas Jokes For Adults

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Santa: "So little girl, what would you like for Christmas?"

Girl: "I want a Barbie Doll and a G.I. Joe."

Santa: "Doesn't Barbie always come with Ken?"

Girl: No, she only fakes it with Ken."
Why doesn’t Santa have any children ?Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it’s down the chimney.
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party?Chick to chick!
What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?A – ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L!!)!
Bert, aged 25. ‘My wife’s an angel’. Don, aged 57. ‘Your lucky, mine is still alive’.
Santa: "So little girl, what would you like for Christmas?" Girl: "I want a Barbie Doll and a G.I. Joe."

What do you call an old snowman?
Water!
What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas one has no L (noel)!
What carol is heard in the dessert?
Camel ye fathful!
Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
ow are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls.
I always get my loved ones petrol-soaked fake moustaches for Christmas. It’s such a joy to watch their faces light up!
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
Q. What kind of bird can write?
A. A pen-guin
Q. What do the elves sing to Santa Claus on his birthday?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow . . .
What kind of pet did Aladdin have?

A flying car-pet!.

What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle.

What do you call a snowman in the tropics?
Lost.
Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.
The salesgirl asked him:- 'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'
Advent sermon: 'What is hell?'
Come early and listen to our carol practice.
Only six shopping days ’til Christmas! Or if you’re a bloke – only five and a half days ’til you start your Christmas shopping.
Just a reminder in these tough economic times that instead of spending five dollars on my Christmas card, you could just give me five dollars.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
I try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the Holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.
Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
I always get my loved ones petrol-soaked fake moustaches for Christmas. It’s such a joy to watch their faces light up!
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day...
Q - Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
A - They both drop their needles!
Q - Did you hear about the man who went to the fancy dress party as a bone?
A - A dog ate him in the hall!
Q - How to cats greet each other at Christmas?
A - "A furry merry Christmas & Happy new year"!
Letter to Santa Claus...

Dear Santa Claus,

I stayed up all night last Christmas and I didn't see you come down the chimney? Are you going to come this year?

Sincerely,
Timmy

Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.
Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A. Santa Claus.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use...
What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?
Silent Night!
Will: What’s a good time for Santa to come down the chimney?
Bill: What?
Will: Anytime!
Josh: What does Jack Frost like best about school?
John: What?
Josh: Snow and tell.
Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf!
Q. Which of Santas reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!