Dirty Christmas Jokes

Following are some collection of dirty Christmas jokes. You can send them on facebook or whatsapp to a friend. Christmas jokes and funny Christmas text messages are good to entertain someone special in a good way.

• A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"
  The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
  "A Christmas tree?" the young woman asks.
  "Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."
• KISSING at the top,HOLDING at the middle &FIRE at the bottom!
  Do you know the ANSWER?
  WHAT?
  ho…don’t think dirty…
  its A ”CIGARETTE”
• Moneys short,Times are hard
  here a fucking Christmas card
  It was the night before christmas
  and all through the house
  everybody felt shitty
  even the mouse!!!
• (to jingle bells)
   Jingle Bells Batman Smells
   Robin Laid an Egg
   The Bat mobile Lost a Wheel
   And Joker got away
•  (to Have a holly jolly Christmas)
    Have a hottie  naughty Christmas!
    It's the breast time of the year!
    Lots a "elves", With lovely shelves,
    And red-furred white-trimmed rears!
• Santa: "What do you want for Christmas, young man?"
  Boy: "Well, there's a certain thing I'd really like."
  Santa: "What thing is that?"
  Boy: "Everything!"
• Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
  "What denomination?" asked the clerk.
  "Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?" said Maria. "Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please.
•  On the first Xmas, the first of three Wise Men stepped carefully into the stable but sank his golden slipper into a big pile of manure.”Jesus Christ!” he yelled.The woman beside the manger turned to her husband and said, “Now, Joseph, isn’t that a better name for the kid than Irving?
•  Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
   Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
   I have got something special in the sack for you!
   Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
   I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister!Marry  Christmas.
• 
  Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
  the whole goddamn family was drunk as a louse,
  with mom in the whore house and dad in jail,
  I sat myself down to a cold glass of ale.